Ok, so it's only been two weeks since I started properly searching for a job out here so it would be unfair to say it's been tough. Instead I am going to use the word difficult. It sounds less dramatic. So yes, I am finding this job search difficult. I know there are many people back home in a lot worse situations than I am faced with today. There are people who are unemployed for months even years. They are getting jobs in big companies for a few weeks until the company decides to let them go and hire a new batch of talented people hopeful for the future but instead they lead them into a false sense of security. I get it, I empathize and its frustrating. So while I explain why I am finding the job search over here difficult, you may judge me. Keep in mind I understand other peoples struggles, I have witnessed it first hand, but this is how I feel about my current situation and this is why I am finding it difficult.
When I was about fifteen years old, I remember being in town and there was a women with her baby in a buggy stopped at a pedestrian crossing. While waiting for the lights to change, I smiled at the baby in the buggy and he instantly lit up and smiled back. I remember walking away feeling like I had actual magical powers, well not really but that baby mad me feel special that I could make him lit up just by smiling at him. That feeling stayed with me and made me repeat my leaving cert. It made me determined to go to college, to get a degree and to not let anything get in my way of what I was meant to do. I found out I had dyslexia when I was 19 years of age..19. It's mild but I struggle with reading, spelling, grammar and so on. I got no help in school and very little in college but I got my degree. It took me longer to study, longer to do assignments but I did it! Why I am telling you all this?
The reason I am telling you all this is because like lots of people, I worked my ass off for my degree, to spend the last three years in childcare jobs that were offensively underpaid and undervalued, not by the employers as they understand the struggle but by the country and our government. Other degrees you receive can get you well paid jobs, why does a childcare degree differ? We are educators and besides from parents we are one of the most important people in a child's life. I am passionate about teaching others that I am an educator, and not just a glorified babysitter as I was once called. The reason I am ranting is because as I sit searching for jobs in other fields that I have little experience in. I am doubting if I am doing the right thing. Childcare in Toronto is also very underpaid and there is a lot to be done before becoming an early educator here. What I am doubting is if childcare is what I am meant to do over here? Do I want to be valued, paid well, have a job where you can come home and not worry about child and if they will be ok or do I want a almost minimum wage job where I educate children to become the best they can be and make an impact on their lives.
I believe I am a great early years educator but at the moment I am in limbo as to whether I was meant to do something else. Ok, its not life or death I can change jobs,I can go back to childcare when I come home or I can even apply to do it here. My point really is I want to be valued, respected and paid well for being good at what I do, be that childcare or the next venture I take. I was doubting my abilities this week when I was asked to do a trial in a coffee shop and then got a phone cancelling as they wanted someone with more experience. I found myself getting bitter towards working so hard to get a degree to find myself struggling to choose what path to go down.
So I have come to the conclusion, I will continue to look for other jobs that are not childcare jobs and I will get a good job, maybe not right away but eventually. The main thing is I want to be valued. My last job valued my skills and although they couldn't pay me like they would want to, they taught me so much. The most important thing they taught me was to believe in myself. So I have to keep doing that!
While we can't change the past or what we did or didn't do in college. We can change the way we think about the future and our place in it. I don't know if I was meant to do childcare for the rest of my life. I can't answer that. I am only 25, I have the chance to chop and change. All I know is I have to stop being my own worst enemy and not let people make me believe I am not good enough. Yes, I am finding it difficult to decide what to do over here but I have to remember what an amazing opportunity I have. I am living in Toronto. Not everyone gets to do this. So if you are ever feeling down or someone makes you feel your not good enough or your skills are not what they are looking for. Chin up. It wasn't meant to be.Believe in yourself because YOU ARE WORTH IT!
When I was about fifteen years old, I remember being in town and there was a women with her baby in a buggy stopped at a pedestrian crossing. While waiting for the lights to change, I smiled at the baby in the buggy and he instantly lit up and smiled back. I remember walking away feeling like I had actual magical powers, well not really but that baby mad me feel special that I could make him lit up just by smiling at him. That feeling stayed with me and made me repeat my leaving cert. It made me determined to go to college, to get a degree and to not let anything get in my way of what I was meant to do. I found out I had dyslexia when I was 19 years of age..19. It's mild but I struggle with reading, spelling, grammar and so on. I got no help in school and very little in college but I got my degree. It took me longer to study, longer to do assignments but I did it! Why I am telling you all this?
The reason I am telling you all this is because like lots of people, I worked my ass off for my degree, to spend the last three years in childcare jobs that were offensively underpaid and undervalued, not by the employers as they understand the struggle but by the country and our government. Other degrees you receive can get you well paid jobs, why does a childcare degree differ? We are educators and besides from parents we are one of the most important people in a child's life. I am passionate about teaching others that I am an educator, and not just a glorified babysitter as I was once called. The reason I am ranting is because as I sit searching for jobs in other fields that I have little experience in. I am doubting if I am doing the right thing. Childcare in Toronto is also very underpaid and there is a lot to be done before becoming an early educator here. What I am doubting is if childcare is what I am meant to do over here? Do I want to be valued, paid well, have a job where you can come home and not worry about child and if they will be ok or do I want a almost minimum wage job where I educate children to become the best they can be and make an impact on their lives.
I believe I am a great early years educator but at the moment I am in limbo as to whether I was meant to do something else. Ok, its not life or death I can change jobs,I can go back to childcare when I come home or I can even apply to do it here. My point really is I want to be valued, respected and paid well for being good at what I do, be that childcare or the next venture I take. I was doubting my abilities this week when I was asked to do a trial in a coffee shop and then got a phone cancelling as they wanted someone with more experience. I found myself getting bitter towards working so hard to get a degree to find myself struggling to choose what path to go down.
So I have come to the conclusion, I will continue to look for other jobs that are not childcare jobs and I will get a good job, maybe not right away but eventually. The main thing is I want to be valued. My last job valued my skills and although they couldn't pay me like they would want to, they taught me so much. The most important thing they taught me was to believe in myself. So I have to keep doing that!
While we can't change the past or what we did or didn't do in college. We can change the way we think about the future and our place in it. I don't know if I was meant to do childcare for the rest of my life. I can't answer that. I am only 25, I have the chance to chop and change. All I know is I have to stop being my own worst enemy and not let people make me believe I am not good enough. Yes, I am finding it difficult to decide what to do over here but I have to remember what an amazing opportunity I have. I am living in Toronto. Not everyone gets to do this. So if you are ever feeling down or someone makes you feel your not good enough or your skills are not what they are looking for. Chin up. It wasn't meant to be.Believe in yourself because YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Talk soon xx
Zita J
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